Lets talk about sex..

My whole life I have always known that I am the type of girl who knew sex for fun/ casual sex just isnt for me. The idea of having a one night stand and never talking to that person again always terrified me.

I have always been a relationship kind of woman, I mean I am good at them, I believe I make a fantastic girlfriend, and because of that I probably end up choosing emotionally unavailable men who are selfish and want to have my life revolve all around them. I find myself in relationships that offer lack luster sex that both unsatisfactory and requires a whole lot of performance from me.

Six months back I was newly single after a 2 and a half year relationship and in my healing journey and growth from that relationship I decided to try something new that I have never tried. In order to explore my sexuality a bit more and see if maybe I could have the type of sex that other women talk about, the explosions, the big O, the clawing of the sheets and curling of the toes, I decided to see if I could do something totally alien to me.

I decided to try a “Friends with benefits” / “fuck buddies” situationship, first thing I had to do was look for a person who I not only feel comfortable with, but one who I might be able to have amazing sexual chemistry with. I kind of tried to also choose someone who I felt was a friend as well, someone I could have conversations with and not feel completely uncomfortable with and I chose him and we decided to have some fun.

It was fun, and even though I did not have the most amazing experience and I didnt achieve the big O still, I had a bit of fun, what I never thought about was the fact that I might get attached to this person in ways I didnt imagine, I didnt really factor in how much of an emotional being I am and how just having a few sexual experiences with this person might have me feeling attached and lonely at the same time because we already made it clear that we want nothing but sex from each other. Becoming a little obsessed about wanting his attention, wishing he would text me, wanting to be around him was never a part of my plan, and now having to disassociate from him and push myself away had me feeling all types of sadness.

Lets have a discussion, have you ever been in a friends with benefits situation and how did you deal with the ending of it?

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