Category Archives: women

Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up- A rerun

5 years ago I was doing a 30 day challenge of getting to know me, the author and creator of this crazy beautiful blog, and in one of the challenge posts I had to shuffle my ipod and name the top 10 songs that come out. So 5 years later I want to do the same post and see how my music tastes have evolved or changed. So lets get straight to it, but this time ill make it my top 20 songs. 😀

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So let me expose myself once again and lets see whats playing in my ipod, which by the way has over 500 songs so this should be rather interesting:

  1. 2pac feat Dr Dre- California love
  2. Mr Vegas- thinking out loud( reggae remix)
  3. Jahboy- Love yourself
  4. Juliet- Avalon
  5. Davido feat Mafikizolo- Tchelete
  6. The script- Superheroes
  7. Kem- Introduction to intimacy
  8. 2pac- Slow motion
  9. T- pain- Bartender
  10. Fighting temptations- He still loves me
  11. Rich Gang- Lifestyle
  12. G Eazy- You got me
  13. Dej Loaf-Hey there
  14. Jay Park- Sex Trip
  15. D’Angelo- How does it feel
  16. R Kelly- Downlow
  17. Drake- From time
  18. Sean Kingston- One away
  19. Swiss- Blue bayou
  20. Kygo- I’m in love

So there it is.. As always my taste in music is very diverse. Do share what is your favourite song right now with me. I love knowing what people are listening to because I think it says a bit about what they are going through in their lives at that particular period..

Happiness

What is happiness really?

I’m, pretty sure I have found the secret to happiness.. Or at least the secret to my own happiness. It’s all about your mind, heart and soul.

Happiness is when all of these aspects of your being are in sync. When they are all at peace you attain happiness. But when one of them is out of sync, when your heart hurts, your soul and your mind lose focus, they become conflicted, confused because one piece of you is not well. When your soul hurts you lose passion, you lose peace and your mind and heart feel drained, you feel tired all the time, you can not be the same as you were before. And because of that your body also become tired, unable to go on the same as before.

So if you want to attain that happiness again, you have to find the peace, and the only way to find the peace is to go back to doing that give you passion, the things that bring you laughter and joy. To take a break and just feel everything that you need to feel. To not bottle up feelings because when they eventually come out they will overwhelm you, they will over flow and you will not know what to do, how to control and capture them.

Find your peace and you will find your happiness…

All Women are Beautiful…

Its simple.. Women are simply beautiful.

It really irks me off when someone says,

“You are so pretty for a black girl” ..Does this imply that if I was not black I would be prettier?

OR

“You have a pretty face”… Because this means the rest of me is not pretty?

I think Jacob says it best.. I love this guy. We need more men like this in the world. Men who know the beauty of women completely without conditions.

Pretty for a Black Girl

 

Human Zoos

A little over a week ago a discovered the word “Human Zoos”.. Makes you wonder right? What could that possibly mean? If you are like me and have never heard of this before then you are probably puzzled.

zooLets take a walk down history lane a bit. and FYI this might be a bit explicit and make you feel sad, angry or even nauseous, but it is part of history and it has me interested so if you think you might not be able to handle it I suggest you turn right back around and close the page.

Unfortunately, human zoos are yet another uncomfortable example of the world’s flawed past of racism and what’s worse is they happen to be a part of our recent history. Racism has come a long way since the 1800s, but it still occurs today. These wildly flawed incidents of the past are horrific, but should not be forgotten. Along with paying homage to those who suffered, acknowledging these acute examples of racism in our past often reflects the issues of today that will undoubtedly shock and appal generations to come.

 

It was not too long ago that people from France, Belgium, Germany, and other countries came to visit humans who were locked up in cages. In these zoos, humans were on exhibit in front of a large audience, locked in with animals at a local zoo.

Hundreds of thousands of people would visit these minorities who were on display like animals. The humans zoos were a large attraction, as 18 million came to visit the World Fair in 1889, held in Paris. Over four hundred Aboriginals and Africans were displayed in front of large crowds of people, stripped down half-naked and thrown into cages.

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Africans, Asians, and Indigenous people were often caged and displayed in a makeshift “natural habitat.” The human displays were very popular and were shown at world fairs from Paris to New York.

At the 1931 Paris World Fair, this exhibit was so successful that it drew 34 million visitors.Indigenous people are shown participating in archery in 1904 in St Louis at an event whites organized called the “Savage Olympics Exhibition.”

Humans zoos were very popular in Europe during the late 1800s until the mid 1900s. North America was not to be outdone, though, as they also got into the human zoo game.

zoo5Women were recruited( and when I say recruited I really mean enslaved) to work in a Paris zoo because of a genetic characteristic known as steatopygia – protuberant buttocks and elongated labia. Europeans went to the zoo to stare at their curves, amazing that the obsession with the big butt isnt just a new thing, because these women where different they were sexualized, treated like sexual creatures because of the way they were built, they believed that their bodies where unusual and overly sexual and therefore deserve to be treated like sexual creatures. Men and women alike would go to these exhibitions to see them, to touch their bodies( their butts, their private parts and their breasts) as they wish.

A 20 year-old girl from South Africa known as Sarah “Saartjie” Baartman would be emblematic of the dark era that gave rise to the popularity of human zoos. She was recruited by an exotic animal-dealer on location in Cape Town and traveled to London in 1810 to take part in an exhibition. The young woman went willingly under the pretense that she would find wealth and fame. Exhibitors were looking for certain qualities in their ‘exotic’ recruits that either coincided with the European beauty ideal or offered unexpected novelty. Sarah had a genetic characteristic known as steatopygia; a protuberant buttocks and elongated labia.

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She found herself being exhibited in cages at sideshow attractions dressed in tight-fitting clothing that violated any cultural norms of decency at the time. A few years later she came to Paris where racial anthropologists poked and prodded and made their theories. Sarah eventually turned to prostitution to support herself and drank heavily. She had been in Europe for only four years.

When she died in poverty, Sarah’s skeleton, sexual organs and brain were put on display at the Museum of Mankind in Paris where they remained until 1974. In 2002, President Nelson Mandela formally requested the repatriation of her remains. Nearly two hundred years after she had stood on deck and watched her world disappear behind her, Sarah Baartman finally went home, where the air smelled of buchu and mint, and the veld called out her name.

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We have come far as humanity, for things like this to not be happening anymore, but it is always good to never forget our history so that we do not make the same mistakes we did before.

Just let that sink in…..

 

 

The Art of Adult Friendships…

Friendship…… It is such an interesting phenomena isn’t it?

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I mean you meet this person who you know absolutely nothing about and suddenly there is a click. Like this person was meant to be in your life. Like somehow their destinies coincided with your destinies and just like that you have one destiny, and just like that you have made a choice, an unconscious choice that they are the ones you want to spend time with, the ones you want to share all your crazy meltdowns, experience life with, tell all your secrets because you know they will not judge you. These two souls attach to each other and just shut every other soul out.

You know even if they do not understand they will still love and appreciate you even though you are a messed up little weirdo they still stay by your side and embrace the crazy.

But it is not always rainbows and lollipops. Sometimes after you have been friends with the one you thought understood your insanity something happens to tear you apart, the trick is it is easy to make a friendship but hard as balls to maintain it. Some think making the friendship is the end, but really it should be the beginning, because the moment you stop watering and nourishing that friendship it turns stale. Then you find yourselves as strangers, sad strangers who knew each other for years then one day do not know or even like each other anymore. Sad strangers who might then become enemies, sad strangers who grow apart and end up doing things to hurt each other or even just the ignoring each other and pretending they never knew each other. I think that is the most painful of the situations, when you no longer know the person you used to know, the person you used to share everything with, to laugh with, to cry with, because when they disappear from your life all that is left is emptiness where they used to reside. An emptiness and loneliness and painful memories of what once used to be.

But do not despair, because with the emptiness comes the opportunity to make lifelong friends who will never turn to strangers, those who are in it for the long haul, who will ride or die with you, who will understand you so much that you will realize that those previous ones did not know you at all. Because you will realize that with these new ones you can completely be yourself, you can trust that they really do like you just the way you are and know that for as long as both of you will live they will be by your side, advising you when you need it, scolding you when you get out of line and supporting you if the situation allows and showing you how to be more you and them more themselves.

Six years into the notorious 20s, I’ve come to some conclusions about adult friendships,through my readings and my experiences I have realized that there are some things you need to understand and accept about friendships:

  1. Not Everyone Will Love You and Not Everyone Hates You. Some people won’t stick around forever but that doesn’t make you less loveable. The thing with human beings is that we are so damn complex. We can be a glass of fresh water to one person and a bottle of vinegar to another — no matter what our personality is.
  2. Not Everything is About You. In this voyeuristic time of constant social interaction and connection, we’ve become paranoid because everyone is watching. We’ve also become obsessed with ourselves. Think about it, for the past several years most of us have been documenting our lives for all to see. It’s tough not to be somewhat of a narcissist. However, no matter how great you are at deciphering supposed sub-tweets and virtual jabs — not everything is about you
  3. Don’t Fake the Funk. Frenemies are ageless but I aim to keep dodging these sort of relationships in years to come. I used to be so good at smiling and enjoying the company of others who I know just finished roasting me in a private shade session. Life too stressful to be worrying about the loyalty of your friends
  4. See People for Who They Really Are, Not for Who You Want Them to Be. This realization is for the long-timers. One of the most annoying parts of adulthood is that everyone grows up so differently.  Some go at a much faster pace than others. Some go into different directions. You have to see your friend for who they are and love them for it. If you went into a creative field and your friend is climbing the traditional corporate ladder, support their dreams. Don’t chastise them based on your own ideals and goals.
  5. Remember Why You Became Friends. Unfortunately, sometimes we end friendships — voluntarily or involuntarily. No matter the cause of the break-up, never forget your former friend is and will always be the person who you once liked
  6. It’s OK to Have Your Own Life. Sometimes we think in order to be a good friend we have to stifle ourselves. It’s ok to grow up and have your own life. It’s ok to move away
  7. Speak as Much as You Can, Even if It Isn’t Often. I think sometimes we put too much pressure into what makes an ideal friend. Face it, most of us are standing on unfamiliar ground right now, whether the ground be a new city, new job or just a new lifestyle. Again, being self-absorbed youths we expect our friends to be there and ready for us 24/7. We all want the same thing but aren’t always willing or able to give it back — that’s ok. The best we can do is give the most that we can in a friendship and be understanding of what our friends can give in return.
  8. Cherish the Moments Anyway. So you guys only speak a few times a month. Cherish the short moments anyway. Because we are becoming much more layered with our lives of love, career and all things complicated, many of us simply don’t have as much time as we use too. Thats ok. Whatever moments you have with your friends, cherish it anyway.
  9. Let it Go. Some relationships are only for a season. Tyler Perry has a beautiful monologue in his play “Madea Goes to Jail,” which compares friendships to a tree. Some people are leaves who are just there for a season, others are branches who will stay only until the weathers gets too bad, and then you have your roots who are there to support you no matter the storm. Be thankful for your roots and be content with letting go of your leaves and branches.

Getting a handle on this adult thing is already challenging. Facing these challenges with folks who truly love and support you, make you smile, and bring absolute peace to your life can be incredibly easy if you let it be. Do something fun with your friends,find that song that makes you all go crazy and dance like it’s the last night you are going to be there together, go out for a night on the town, get matching tattoos, gossip about your favorite men, go shopping together, go on an amazing road trip together, just have fun and create memories..

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Getting over a heart ache..

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People think that there are things that can ‘fix’ heartbreak. That saying ‘these things happen for a reason’ or some other platitude meant to make you feel better is somehow enough. And this heartbreak likely makes no sense to you right now. The pain and darkness feels overwhelming and you see no way out. You can see no reason for it. But one day it will make sense to you. Everything will be okay again.

This ‘everything happens for a reason’ concept is a hard one to grasp. This idea of a master plan. And people tell you, with best intentions, that all of this has happened so you can clear the way for the ‘right’ one. They tell you this because that idea is what got them through. They imagined that fate was pulling the strings in their existence.

And isn’t that what many of us do everyday? We work to convince ourselves that everything will come together in some sort of glorious union that will lead to happiness for all the rest of your days.

We want to believe this. We feel suffocated and all we want to do is grab on to something that will give us a reason to breathe, to keep going. And the thing is, we aren’t trying to be dramatic. We are just searching for a meaning in it all. We tell ourselves we have to suffer through all of this to get our reward.

We confuse ourselves by holding on to a belief that every single tiny detail of our lives and our relationships are preordained and part of some wonderful story that will eventually save us from all suffering. We look for meaning in every single second. We do this without even considering that maybe somethings just happen for no reason at all. Maybe they happen because we are human and humans do random things. We are humans who are actually endowed with the gift of free will and make our own choices each and every day.

Don’t give up on hope, or the idea of finding the love that won’t end in heartbreak. Remember that we are all basically doing the same thing. We are all walking the earth and breathing air and just living. And each and every one of us can make sense of our pain and our grief, not by laying it all on the doorstep of a higher power but by examining the changes this experience has caused in you. Don’t treat your life like a story. Treat it like a life. Use your heartache to remind you that you are living, you are feeling, you are being, every single moment of every day.

This experience has made you curious, and hungry for something better in your life. It has helped you move even closer to becoming truly aware of all that makes you you. That journey lasts far longer than your heartbreak will. Good things are almost certainly going to happen in your life. But they won’t happen because fate decided to smile upon you that day. They will happen because you paid attention to the deep strength within you, that drive to live fully and happily and YOU made them happen.

We want to believe this. We feel suffocated and all we want to do is grab on to something that will give us a reason to breathe, to keep going. And the thing is, we aren’t trying to be dramatic. We are just searching for a meaning in it all. We tell ourselves we have to suffer through all of this to get our reward.

We confuse ourselves by holding on to a belief that every single tiny detail of our lives and our relationships are preordained and part of some wonderful story that will eventually save us from all suffering. We look for meaning in every single second. We do this without even considering that maybe somethings just happen for no reason at all. Maybe they happen because we are human and humans do random things. We are humans who are actually endowed with the gift of free will and make our own choices each and every day.

Don’t give up on hope, or the idea of finding the love that won’t end in heartbreak. Remember that we are all basically doing the same thing. We are all walking the earth and breathing air and just living. And each and every one of us can make sense of our pain and our grief, not by laying it all on the doorstep of a higher power but by examining the changes this experience has caused in you. Don’t treat your life like a story. Treat it like a life. Use your heartache to remind you that you are living, you are feeling, you are being, every single moment of every day.

This experience has made you curious, and hungry for something better in your life. It has helped you move even closer to becoming truly aware of all that makes you you. That journey lasts far longer than your heartbreak will. Good things are almost certainly going to happen in your life. But they won’t happen because fate decided to smile upon you that day. They will happen because you paid attention to the deep strength within you, that drive to live fully and happily and YOU made them happen.

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Lets Talk About Sex… I Mean Love…

Admit it, sometimes it is pretty difficult to differentiate the two right? Since sex got easier to get love got harder to find.

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I feel like nowdays most people equate sex with love, that is why you would hear a guy trying to manipulate a a girl with something like

“Baby if you really loved me, you would show me, by having sex with me”

It surprises me the way it seems morality has went all the way down in this generation. Men think it is OK to sleep with 5 different girls at the same time, (I mean not at the same time, but you know in the same time period) and it seems our society is letting people get away with such behavior..

I just wish people believed more in long lasting love and loyalty and commitment as they believed in a rump between the sheets..

 A wise woman once said.. It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex; people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future,hopes and dreams…. now that’s being naked…

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